Social Media is Fake - Expert Edition Episode 59
In today's episode, I want to share something really special with you. I posted a story on Instagram and got so much love and support, it made me super happy. I talked about how sometimes I struggle with money, work, and being a mom to three awesome kids all by myself. I want to tell you that it’s okay not to be perfect and it’s important to share our real stories, not just the happy pictures we see online. I also talk about how I’m working hard to pay off some debts and make smart choices with my money, even though it can be really tough sometimes. And you know what? I love helping people and sharing what I learn along the way. So, come join me as I talk about my life, the ups and downs, and how we can all learn to be a little more honest and kind to ourselves and each other.
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TRANSCRIPT:
Naseema: [00:00:00] What's up my Financially Intentional people? So, Last week I shared a post on Instagram and I got a lot of feedback that was incredible that I wasn't really expecting But it's a pretty vulnerable post and the love and support that I got after Posting was super inspirational. So before I share the post, I just want to share a couple of the comments and there were some amazing comments But i'm going to share a couple of them on here and then I want to talk about what I share in more detail about my thought process and what is going on behind what I shared?
So One of the comments reads, I appreciate you on so many levels for using your gifts to uplift others. I also understand the emotional toll it takes when you're invested in other people. Everything you've said here makes it clear that and love yourself [00:01:00] while also loving others and having healthy boundaries.
It's a journey and you're truly doing the best you can. I wish you great success. I wish you peace and rest, too So that was a great comment. Another comment that I received is I appreciate you. I believe in your intent and motivation to help others Which is really spectacular, especially considering you're fully employed and fully parenting three kids Thank you for what you do. You're not perfect. You don't have to be and you're not an imposter. So the post that I shared was Like the trending Instagram is a highlight reel social media isn't real. And what I titled it was things I don't often share on social media So i'm going to go through the points that I made in the post and explain a little bit.
So it'll help you get to know a little bit about me and what's going on [00:02:00] and what has been going on and just just how I think. The first point I made was though. I've known the whole I'm known for my epic debt payoff journey. I still have debt. It was all intentional debt taken on to grow my business.
I hate it the same. I'm currently in grind season to knock it out. I've learned that I have a low tolerance for debt You guys this is like so real and the reason why I share so much in i'm a proponent of being However, like it can be hard, to really put yourself out there on social media, especially if you're known for one thing.
So I'm totally known for being the best debt slayer for paying off a million dollars in debt. And I've gone through periods of paying that debt off, acquiring more debt. Like I said, I have acquired debt intentionally, but. It does not mean that it makes me less debt averse. I am very diverse.
I don't like debt And even if it's [00:03:00] taken out with the best intention, it still weighs heavily on me The debt that I have right now weighs heavily on me And I am getting to a point where i'm just now addressing it. Taking the time out when I had the baby I'm a maternity leave and being off of work for 10 months also didn't help the fact that I was like trying to knock down this debt and it was all a debt acquired before then.
And the debt was around, like I said, growing my business, it was paying for people to help me grow my business. People to work in my business and masterminds and learning and all of these things. Everything was done intentionally. However, it's still weighed heavily on me. And I think a lot of times it's thrown around that, we have to be able to invest heavily in ourselves to see great results.
And while I think that is true, you have to understand your aversion towards that debt. And during the time, like I was [00:04:00] okay with the debt because I was bringing in so much money. It wasn't a big deal But when I had to step away and really take a hit to my income to have the baby and no regrets there it began to be a bigger toll on My finances in my life than I wanted it to be and I think we have to look at debt under that lens like yes, you may be able to tolerate debt Right now but in the long term if you have some life changes, how do you feel about that?
And in all honesty, it has been a struggle A struggle so much like I went from zero to 100 So I went from being on maternity leave to going back to work and throwing myself into not just only my Regular full time job, but also taking on two other jobs because I have to get this debt Taken care of I have to knock it out.
It is really causing me that much trouble now In taking [00:05:00] on those 3 jobs, I got to a place where it was really overwhelming because honestly, I over estimated how much available time I would have and now having 3 kids. So I have pulled back from 1 of those jobs, but I'm working 2 jobs where now I went from working my 3, 12 a week as a nurse to working 8.
5 days a week as a nurse. In an effort to really knock down some of this debt and eliminate it. Like I've gotten to the point where, okay, I've learned my lessons. Like I do not like this feeling of having this debt burden. So I am working aggressively to get out of it for good. That is what's point number one.
Point number two is very honest and wrong. Growing my business has been a struggle for me. I make under two, I make over 200, 000 a year being a nurse. And though I know entrepreneurship can be, [00:06:00] More profitable it's like really hard for me to take a leap Plus, I actually love being a nurse and I know I can achieve financial independence through my career All of this is true.
Like I hear people quitting their job all the time to pursue entrepreneurship. And I think it's great. I think it's great. I think about it too. But honestly being an entrepreneur is way harder for me, way mentally and physically taxing for me than going in and delivering my babies. And people are always saying, Oh, you're trading time for money.
You're trading time for money too, as being an entrepreneur. And I spend more hours and I find that in being an entrepreneur, I can never. Turn my brain off. Like it's always thinking about what the next thing I can do. And I make really good money where I can go to work and come home and forget about my job, be able to focus on my kids.
And so when I say that entrepreneurship is a [00:07:00] struggle, it is a struggle because I often question very often, like, why am I still doing this? And let me just tell you something in all honesty i've invested so much more time and money into being an entrepreneur that in all honesty If I hadn't invested that same time into my job, I could have been retired by now So it is hard but also because of those comments like I read earlier It does motivate me to keep on going and so i'm here now.
I'm gonna keep on going but To say it's a struggle is an understatement. The point number three is it is as hard as it is to raise my kids on my own and pay for the expensive ass, A S S, but it says ass daycare. I will never sacrifice the peace and happiness of our home for the sake of our relationship and [00:08:00] think that I'm a firm believer that nobody like can complete me, right? Like I'm a whole person as it is. And anybody that I bring into my life has to be a bonus. One thing though, that I don't ever want to sacrifice is the peace that I have in my house. And the peace is just the energy, the vibes, my house runs smoothly, everybody's happy here.
And I have been in situations where being in a relationship has added extra drama and turmoil that shifts the balance in a negative way in my household. And No relationship is worth that. And so I'm happy being single and just raising my kids and doing my thing on my own, even though it does come with a tremendous cost.
And yes, I could have somebody that could totally help me and all of those things, but I don't want to do that [00:09:00] at the expense of sacrificing our peace. And so I am patiently waiting for a partner that will be able to come into our lives and add to our peacefulness as opposed to taking it away.
All assets, no liabilities. And in all honesty, people might think of me as a liability because, I have three kids. But I have a lot to offer. I understand that I'm not for everyone, but I know that what I have right now is an incredible life and I don't want to sacrifice that for the sake of just being in a relationship, so, I struggle every day with being a better mother.
Unlearning, ineffective parenting practices is hard in a daily practice. I yell way too much and these kids are Love to try me. Let me just tell you a lot of learning that we Have as parents are how to be a parent [00:10:00] is typically shaped by You know how you were raised and I had a very interesting childhood I often say that I was raised by a single dad my mom left when I was I was five years old and my dad took on the role of raising us, but I also had incredible grandparents and you know how close I am with my grandfather who just passed away in November at 95.
But. They played a pivotal role in my upbringing. However, my dad did the best that he could as a single parent like raising us. And my grandma had a huge role in shaping who I am as well. And teach me how to parent. But my grandma passed away when I was 14. Literally it's just like when I was making that transition into being a woman or a young adult.
And so I feel like I missed out on a lot of lessons and [00:11:00] really in learning how to be a parent. Therefore, I'm just like figuring it out. And a lot of. Things and experiences that I had growing up. I don't want my kids to have to go through. I was the oldest and so I had to parent my younger siblings and it's a struggle for me not to pass on that to my daughter.
Yeah, she does have extra. Responsibilities around the house, but I also I'm a very intentional about her still being a child and have a childhood. I'm like, man she doesn't cook but she's 10 years old by the time, I was her age.
I was like, cooking, cleaning, doing all of the things around the house. And I'm like, man is she behind? And I'm just like, no, she's not. She's fully being a kid. And that's something that I didn't necessarily experience. And trying to give her those experiences, also trying to learn to stop yelling so much.
Corporal punishment, hitting your kids [00:12:00] isn't effective. They don't learn that way. Trying to learn. How to properly raise them to be responsible, respectable adults is really, really hard and it's something that I spent a lot of time researching researching and trying to implement, but let me tell you, it is hard heart, especially when I'm managing three very different personalities.
And so I'll continue to learn and continue to aim to get better, but it is hard. Number five is having a personal finance platform is hard. People want quick fixes and don't understanding that a wealth building is often boring and takes time. I have seen so many of my friends fall for scams in search of quick fixes and it's hard to watch.
It's hard. To watch you guys like the reason why [00:13:00] I title a lot of my stuff like hella simple is that a lot of the things that I do and have done in order to Shift my relationship with money have not been like flashy things. They're like pretty basic things that You know may take time to actually see results budgeting, maxing out my retirement accounts, investing in just simple index funds and not like the stocks that you see that your friends recommend, the things that you hear on the news or, buying into.
Life and like crazy index fund. Index universal life insurance Like those things that often get us caught in these traps that don't serve us financially Like people will sell you on some crazy stuff and I've seen it all and people always tell me to see what I need you To help me get my money right and do all these things and I'm just like, you know what?
I will help you, but it's [00:14:00] probably not going to look like what you think is going to look like. And the amount of times I have spent like hours and hours and hours, helping my friends set up accounts and then they don't follow through on things because, it's not the hottest latest and it's not flashy.
What they think is heartbreaking. And it's honestly, it has honestly taken a toll. On me wanting to be in the space because I did it to really help my friends and those closest to me and It's heartbreaking when I see that they're not following my advice, but I can help like a stranger on the internet that has followed me for years that have done all the things that You know, it's just heartbreaking.
It's devastating. And it's especially devastating when I see that they have gone against something that I told them to do and I have come to me to help them get out of the hole that they have dug. It's hard.
Number six is [00:15:00] I love helping people, but I realized that coaching wasn't for me. I often found that I was more invested in people's goals than they were And that people didn't follow through with the things that they were coached to do I take it personally, and it was too emotionally taxing for me.
This is like piggybacking off that whole last post that I made, point that I made. And I don't want to want something for you more than you want it for yourself. I don't want to be fighting harder for you than you're fighting for yourself. It is taxing. Like seeing people make the same mistakes over and over again Even though you have given them the blueprint and I know that this is not unique to just finances This is unique to other things and people's lives And so I have largely stopped coaching people because of this [00:16:00] because it physically drains me especially when I don't see people You Like actually taking action on the advice that I've given them.
So most of my revenue that I make from financially intentional is through self guided like products or with brand collaborations where I am just the conduit of information. And I'm recommending things that I believe in, but the coaching Like I tried y'all I really tried and you know what I tried so hard that I thought it was me like that I'm, not a good teacher and recently in one of the positions I told you I gave up I actually was a teacher
I did clinical instruction, for a nursing school And I realized I am a good teacher I am a really good teacher. But the coaching aspect really made me believe that I wasn't a good teacher but I am but [00:17:00] Again, coaching isn't for me. And it has been a struggle for me to find a way to effectively help people create change with their finances.
So point number seven is I struggle with the thought of being an influencer. I'm just trying to figure this stuff out and sharing my imperfect journey as my platform grows. So does my imposter syndrome. And that's just real as hell because People will look at me just because of my follower account as an influencer or because of the brand collaborations I have.
And yes, I have a unique voice and I believe that everybody should be sharing their story because there's somebody who can learn from you. But the term influencer for me is heavy because I don't necessarily want to influence you. I want to encourage you that you are worthy and It's also hard for people to be like I hear my friends and it's oh my God, or if I meet somebody in public oh, I follow you.
I [00:18:00] was just like, oh my God I am just like an imperfect person trying to navigate through this life. But I also do share just so you know, other people can, learn from my journey and it's quite humbling because I just got honored at this event in San Francisco a couple weeks ago and got this influencer of the year award and There were other people being honored and I legit was like, I'm not worthy of being in the space because these black women, let me tell you were incredible.
I'm talking about women on the boards, making influential decisions about how the biggest corporations are moving and affecting change in the world. In the world and I'm just like, Oh my God, I'm sitting in these rooms. And as much as I was honored to be in that room, I was just, but me, I'm just a nurse and I just have this [00:19:00] little platform.
And so it's hard for me. To lean into and embrace the impact that I've had. But also in being humble listen, I don't have it figured out. I'm going to share what I know and I'm going to help you. But I don't necessarily want to be called an influencer. So anyway, I hope those things I shared also inspire you as a podcast listener.
But hopefully it helps you to get to know a little bit more about me, my train of thought, what's going on in my life. But also I want to just thank all the people that took the time out to pour into me on that post. It really was something that I needed because I, your girl is out here tired and I'm doing the things, but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with the things that are going on as I transitioned into, going back to work full time and being a mom of three and doing it largely on my own.
Shout out to my support network that I do have but a lot [00:20:00] of the, Load is still heavily on me. But It's been a, it's been a season. It's definitely been challenging. But I do want to give thanks to everybody that's been rocking with me. Thankful for the people who have just discovered me and are here as well wishing you the very best.
And as always, please show your girls some love by rating this podcast, sharing this podcast. And I'll be back on Thursday to share more with you, but again, I'm grateful.
Hey there I’m Naseema
My dream is for everyone to know that financial independence is attainable with a little intentionality. Learn how I can help you finally break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck.
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