This Nurse Helps Others Build Emotional Resiliency Ep. 10
How to Build Resiliency & Overcome Any Obstacle with Kelly West
In episode ten of Nurse on FIRE, I talk to Kelly West, a former nurse who is transforming mindsets and building resilience in those facing obstacles. For over 20 years, Kelly was a pediatric oncology registered nurse, helping kids and families move through the journey of childhood cancer.
Throughout her career, Kelly served as a clinician, educator, and leader. Then, her passion for helping families inspired her to become an entrepreneur.
Kelly started out helping others lose weight and transform their mindset and health. This action sparked her curiosity about the brain and how it helps move us forward or holds us back from accomplishing our goals.
Now Kelly works with clients in the healthcare field, including nurses, parents, and other caregivers, to help them overcome stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. This article will provide advice on how you can build resiliency and overcome any obstacle. I'll share Kelly's brain-based approach to removing mental roadblocks so you can accomplish your goals.
Change Your Perspective
As I said before, Kelly spent years helping families with children fighting cancer. Now she focuses on helping cancer moms deal with stress, worry, and anxiety so they can create a happy, healthy, and resilient families. Most people would assume being an RN in pediatric oncology would be the most stressful and sometimes saddening work environment.
However, Kelly argues quite the opposite. Kelly always felt she had the best job in the world. She loved going to work and helping families. It was the children that taught Kelly the most about resiliency.
It's no wonder she started a business online so she can reach and help even more people. To top things off, thanks to her experiences, Kelly understands what parents need and helps them find critical resources during one of the most challenging times of their lives.
Change Your Identity
According to Kelly, post-treatment, many families still suffer from fear, worry, and anxiety. So she helps families get their life back and redefine normalcy for themselves.
As a nurse myself, I know the truth. Most hospitals offer surface-level help. They don't focus on mindset and how critical that is to the healing and recovery process.
When families go through a traumatic experience like childhood cancer, the trauma becomes their identity. Mothers become the "cancer mom," and they hold onto that identity well beyond their child's therapy.
But as Kelly notes, you have to let that go!
Discover who you are outside of your job or family role. Reframe your thoughts and emotions so you can move forward.
Build Emotional Resiliency
Kelly's advice to change your mindset and reframe your thoughts doesn't just apply to moms of recovering children. She recommends nurses take heed of this tip too.
Nurses you know we sometimes work 12-14 hour shifts, and we are continually dealing with the stress of our workplace environment, schedule, and patients.
We must build emotional resiliency to prevent burnout. In the podcast episode, Kelly shares an experience. She was once in a room of 1,000 nurses. Approximately 75%-80% of the audience raised their hands when she asked how many nurses were considering leaving their jobs because of the stress and emotional breakdown. This statistic is alarming because we need nurses by the patients' bedsides and throughout the treatment process.
Nurses play several critical roles in the treatment process, but many also want to spend more time with family or have more work-life balance.
Build Up Your Finances
Like me, you've probably seen many burnt-out nurses keep working because they cannot afford to quit. Financial decisions play a huge role in your decision to stay at a job that is no longer fulfilling.
That's why I started this podcast to help nurses with their finances.
Although we make good salaries as nurses, some of us still don't understand our economic power or know the path to financial freedom. Fixing your finances ensures that you don't have to work just for a paycheck.
Having the freedom to go to work but not be dependent on the paycheck unlocks a level of emotional freedom. This sense of freedom can help you avoid work burnout.
Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life
Changing your mindset matters because it helps you know what's possible. If you believe what you want is possible, then you can manifest it for yourself. Before you transform your finances, you have to change your mindset first.
In her interview, Kelly shares a story about a previous client who was a nurse specialist. The nurse specialist wanted more work-life balance and the ability to spend more time with her family. However, in her mind, she couldn't stop focusing on her role in the workplace and her salary. Her job and how much money she made was a critical part of her identity.
You know, sometimes we are so attached to a salary and what it says about you. This mindset doesn't allow us to make changes because you become so consumed about what your career or lifestyle pivot will tell others about you.
Let Go
According to Kelly, the solution is to reframe your mindset and let go of your former identity. Change your thought process and don't be so attached to your salary. Stop letting your job or money define you.
When you do this, you can let that go and make the best decision for yourself. In the case of Kelly's client, the nurse specialist ended up quitting her job and taking on part-time employment. Today, she is much happier and has the work-life balance she wanted as a mom.
Her client created a different story about her life, reframed her thinking, and let go of the mindset that was holding her back. She remembered she was still a leader, whether she was a nurse specialist or a mom in a different role. Now she's thriving.
It's important to know life is not all about money. It's about living life in a way that makes you thrive, makes you happy. So, live the life you and your family deserve.
I think a lot of times money gets in the way of us remembering our purpose is to be happy. For example, many of you share with me that you're not where you want to be financially. But I think it's all about the journey. The biggest lessons we learn are along the path to accomplishing our goals.
Every time you hit a milestone, you hit another level of freedom.
Get Started
If you want to work to become optional for you, start to do something you're passionate about and see where that leads you.
A lot of times, people ask me about starting a business. I always ask people a question back. What's something that you're doing right now or something that you see people need? Do that.
As Kelly says in her interview, dream big. Envision yourself, making the income you want and set goals to help your family or whatever you want to do.
Kelly aspires to be a philanthropist who gives back to children's hospitals and families. She also wants to contribute to cancer research.
When you have resiliency and greater emotional awareness, then you can heal. Healthy and whole nurses allow you to be a better parent to your children and a better spouse to your partner.
Boost Your Resiliency Live with Kelly
Kelly is hosting a live training, Raise Your Resiliency: The Six Steps to Bounce Back from Any Obstacle, Thursday, September 18, 4 pm PT/7 pm ET. In her training session, you'll discover how your brain creates your current state, and what you can do to change it. Tune in to learn how you can rewire your brain connections to make lasting changes and improve your life. Most importantly, participate in this live event to discover how to improve your emotional fitness so you can bounce back from any obstacle.
The best part is you get freebies. Kelly will give you a free resiliency roadmap and workbook. You'll also get a chance to ask questions live during the question and answer session. You don't want to miss this training!
Want to learn more about Kelly? Check out her website or follow her on social media (Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest).
What are some of your best ways to cope in stressful situations? Share your best tips by leaving a comment below. Sharing is caring, so tell all the nurses in your life to subscribe to the Nurses on FIRE podcast and mailing list.
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Kelly is an RN turned passionate entrepreneur. She has been a pediatric registered nurse for 25 years helping kids and families move through the journey of childhood cancer. As a pediatric oncology RN for 16 yrs, Kelly has been a clinician, educator, and leader in many different roles. She now helps others raise their resiliency and bounce back from any obstacle
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TRANSCRIPT:
Naseema McElroy: 06:51 So it is my honor to have Kelly West on the Nurses On Fire Podcast. Kelly has been a pediatric oncology nurse or was pediatric oncology nurse for some time now. She's branching off and starting her new business, which I'll have her explain to you. So Kelly, welcome to Nurses On Fire and if you will, can you please give us a little bit of information about your background and where you're at right now?
Kelly West: 07:26 Yeah, sure. Thank you Naseema. Thank you so much for having me. I really am honored and appreciative of being on this podcast. So currently I help cancer moms let go of stress and worry and anxiety so that they can create happy, healthy, resilient families. But where I came from and my background, like you said, I am a pediatric nurse and most of my career I've been working in the field of pediatric oncology. I've been a nurse for now going on about 25 years, which is crazy.
Naseema McElroy: 07:59 Congratulations!
Kelly West: 07:59 Thank you. And I've truly loved it. And the years that I did pediatric oncology for about 16 of those years, 16, 17 of those years. And you know, the families and the children that I cared for, it was the best job in the world. I loved going to work. I loved helping them. And it was always difficult to explain because people would say, how can you be a pediatric oncology nurse? That must be so hard. And I heard that so many times, but for me it was truly an honor and a blessing to go to work and care for these families. And these kids are just amazing. And they taught me so much about resiliency and being strong and just so many lessons that I learned from them that I just couldn't help to love that field. So
now that I am starting my own business and moving into the online world, what I am so passionate about is still being a part of that world. But being able to really look at helping those parents in such a more profound way and a broader way for my understanding. I don't know how much you want me to go into right now, but I, you know, saw just how much that parents definitely struggle with the stress, worry, anxiety as you can certainly imagine going through that with your child. And there are resources for parents, definitely during the time that they're in the hospital or in the clinic, in the outpatient setting with their child. But sometimes they were beyond that or once their child's done with treatment, you know, it's their child's done with treatment, but they're not done feeling the fear, worry, anxiety, right? So that, a lot of times, stays with them for sometimes many years beyond their child's treatment. And so really trying to work with them to help them kind of get their life back and get that normalcy back.
Naseema McElroy: 09:49 I think that's amazing. And yes, even though there are resources out there, I feel like the approach that you're taking is much needed because to think that a lot of this stuff that we offer is kind of just really surface level help. And I know that you work a lot on mindset and really like how to deal with those underlying emotions that come with processing grief and things like that. So I think that that's super important to have as an addendum to the things that might, maybe wildly available like in hospital settings or through like a referral from their doctor. So I think that it's super important that people know that this resource exists and I think that you're a perfect person because of your background and because what you've gone through to be able to really relate but also know exactly what works entailing with coping especially with these high stress situations.
Kelly West: 10:53 Yeah, definitely. I think that's the thing that I've seen. There's so many resources and I'm certainly not saying that you know, there's somebody can reach out and have many resources. Right? I see parents getting resources for lots of different pieces of their journey and whether it be financially or emotionally or what have you. So this is just another resource that I'm really trying to provide to help them, just being able to connect with somebody and connect with the community as well and trying to put those pieces together. Not everybody feels completely comfortable going to a group setting, you know, kind of a live group setting at a hospital or can't get away or may live in a rural setting and can't quite get to that. And you know, online is just a lot easier to be able to access sometimes and be able to get those resources and the help you need.
Naseema McElroy: 11:42 Yeah. So I know you just mentioned that your services are online. Can you just speak a little bit more to how people access your services?
Kelly West: 11:50 Yeah, so I'm gonna actually be doing a live training September 18th called Raise Your Resiliency. And so it'll be a live training about really how to look at, you know, our emotional thought process and how we kind of go through our grief and anxiety and stress and how we look at those and how can we re-frame that and really be able to bounce back. I think one of the things I love about emotional resiliency work is looking at, you know, how we can recover from such traumatic events. How can we get back to quote unquote normalcy. Because I think, you know, going through a process or what I call a traumatic event like pediatric oncology, it really changes you and a lot of people that becomes their identity that I'm, you know, this, "I'm a cancer mom" and I'm, you know, there's a lot of pride that certainly goes with that and I love that. But there's also a lot thought process and a lot of identity that gets tied with that and sometimes even beyond many years beyond their child's therapy. It is something that they can't let go of. They have a really hard time sometimes getting, finding what really joy, you know, what really lights them up and they're just sort of stuck a little bit in that world. And so it's really looking at how can we re-frame our thoughts, our emotions so that we can move forward in our lives.
Naseema McElroy: 13:17 And I know that you're expanding some of your services to be able to work with nurses because of course I know that, you know, people asked you how you dealt with being a pediatric oncology nurse and just having to deal with loss and grief all the time. But just in the world of nursing, even if it's not in oncology, there's still a lot of stress and trauma that's associated with our jobs. So what are some ways that you can help nurses recover from that?
Kelly West: 13:49 Absolutely. I think, you know, from the nursing side of it being on that side of the bed so to speak, there's a lot of stress no matter what field really of nursing you're in. There's a lot of stress, there are our own anxiety, you know, about whether it's the patients we're taking care of or it's just the workplace environment, the schedules, the, you know, 12-14 hour shifts, all of that can lend to a lot of stress. And so really looking at how we can have better emotional resiliency and even in that realm, how can we not get burned out? How can nurses really look at their role and either say, you know, there's a way to reframe that and how can we look at our emotional wherewithal and how can we look at things differently so that we can be able to do our jobs better and that we can love our jobs again. Because I think there's so much struggle with a lot of nurses. I was just at a conference actually this last fall and somebody was asking, we were in a room of about a thousand nurses and asking how, how many of them were either considering leaving their job or have considered leaving their job and almost, you know, a 75-80% of the room probably raised their hand. And it was just sad to see that there's that much stress and just emotional breakdown and just really difficulty dealing with our world in nursing that we, there's so many people that want to leave the bedside yet that's where we need so many nurses to be there and to be their best selves that they can take great care of their patients. And so that's one side of things.
Kelly West: 15:27 The other side when I've worked with some nurses, like just looking at how they view their own role as a nurse. And some clients that I've worked with that have again kind of looked at an identity about whatever their role is, whether it's the bedside, whether they're clinical specialist or what have you, but yet they really want to do something else or they want to spend maybe more time with their family or they want a better balance in their work. And how can they also re-frame their mindset, looking at, you know, letting go of a certain identity and that it doesn't have to define them in their role that they currently are in, if that makes sense.
Naseema McElroy: 16:08 That makes total sense. And I know, and I'm sure you have the experience of working with nurses that just stay working even after the burnout, even after all that is set in because it's they can't afford not to work because of the financial decisions that they've made. And so this is a lot of the reason why I have this Nurses On Fire Podcast is because even though nurses can make a very good salary, I think that we are still way behind in really using that economic power that we have and ensuring that we are on a path of setting us, setting ourselves up so that we don't have to work.
Naseema McElroy: 16:50 And I think just having the ability to not know that you don't have to go to work for a paycheck also unlocks a level of emotional freedom in you that can help with that burnout. And I know a lot of the work that you do is around mindset and that's like the number one lesson that I teach and that has to be in place even before people turn around their finances, is making sure that they shift their mindset in order to know what's possible and to actually believe that that's possible for themselves. Can you speak to some examples of people that you've seen that have stayed in nursing far too long, just because of money and then can you talk about maybe some mindset shifts that you're able to help people experience so that their perspectives are changing and it lifts some of that, those burdens from them?
Kelly West: 17:54 Absolutely. Yeah. I had a client one time that she was a nurse, really a nurse specialist and was just having loved her job, loved everything about it but was really struggling with that work life balance, wanted to spend a little more time with her family, had asked about doing a little bit of work life balance and had some struggles around that money mindset as well. You know, letting go of, you know, I am this person and I make this amount of salary that's really hard to let go of. I think we all, you know, myself included, have worked through, you know, to a point some of that money mindset and really saying, you know, being so attached to what is that salary and what does that salary say about me? And if I let it go, what does that say about me? Or it's really also looking at how can we re-frame and that mindset and looking about, you know, that we don't have to have... And change our thought process so we don't have to have such attachment to the identity of whatever our salary is and that how that defines us and then we can't let it go. So then they stay working in a job that's making them miserable day in and day out because they can't let go of that because what will that say about them? So we had worked on really a lot of work about re-framing thought processes and how, you know, looking at creating a different story and realizing that the stories that she was really telling herself was a lot around that was saying, you know, if I, you know, I'm a clinical specialist and this means I'm leader and I'm all of this and if I let that go I'll no longer be a leader or I'll no longer be looked up to in this way. And we had to do a lot of work around re-framing that and that, you know, no matter what job she has, even if she works part time and as a part time mom she gets that balance that she has and was able to, you know, still feel very validated and still was able to just shift her identity to just a different role.
Kelly West: 20:06 And you know, that took a little bit of time but she was able to shift that and ended up quitting her job, taking a part time job and is like thrilled. She is like so incredibly happy. She thanks of time for helping her kind of through that because that was a real struggle for her. She was really stuck in that mindset of who am I in this role and that I can't let go of it. You know?
Naseema McElroy: 20:33 I think that's powerful because now that she was able to let go of it, now she's actually thriving. I think that's what people need to understand is that just that it's not just about like money. It's about living life the way that makes you thrive and the way that makes you happy and the way that you deserve and that your family deserves. It's not about a dollar figure in the bank. I think that there's ways that you can set up security so you don't have to worry about money. But ultimately what our purpose in life is to be happy. Right?
Kelly West: 21:12 Yeah.
Naseema McElroy: 21:12 And I think like a lot of times money gets in the way of that. And I know that, you know, you so candidly share it with me, that you're not where you want to be financially. But I think it's all about the journey. And I think that the biggest lessons that we pick up are along that journey. And every time we hit a milestone, we hit another level of freedom. And I think that it's incredible that not only are you a nurse, but you're venturing off to help families and to help other nurses. And by creating this business, you're unlocking levels of freedom and financial freedom down the line. Maybe not right at this moment, but it is definitely gonna unlock levels of financial freedom in your family so that you know you can live the life that you deserve, too. And I think that I love what you're doing.
Naseema McElroy: 22:08 I love that you saw a need that was there. A lot of times people always ask me about starting businesses and are like, it's just a side hustle our ways to make extra income. And I tell them like, what's something that you're doing right now that you see that there's a need that needs to be addressed? And I think that you, I mean, through your years of experience, you saw that there was this, you know, drastic need for these families to really have different methods of learning how to cope with the things that they've been dealing with and turn that into a business. And I think that that's amazing. Where do you hope to take this business and what do you think it'll do for your clients and what do you think it'll do for you and your family?
Kelly West: 23:01 Oh Gosh. I always say that I'm the biggest dreamer. I'm a Pisces and I'm one of those people, I've always been that way, even with nursing, always having a vision of kind of where I wanted to be in my nursing career and I did the side hustle and started in the health and wellness space and then have moved into creating my own business as an entrepreneur. I talk about money mindset that is definitely a growth opportunity and a beginning step for entrepreneurial ship. But it's been amazing at the same time. It's something that I'm very excited about. And as far as my business, I, you know, see, you know, taking this, you know, starting right now I do the online training and courses, but I would love to do some really in-person live events, working to help people raise their emotional resiliency and just have, you know, better self care and you know, change their mindset.
Kelly West: 23:59 Learning how we can use our brains to really elevate our lives so much better. So I think I have a lot of exciting things, just always ruminating in my head. And that's part of I guess being an entrepreneur and just having that dream for what I see down the line. But definitely, you know, as a financial aspect, I see that as well. Being able to, you know, make the income that I really see making in the future. Being able to not only help my family, but part of that is a dream to always be that philanthropists as well and be able to give back to children's hospitals or families. Because that's where this all came from. And there's a great need to just continue looking into research, for cancer research and all that. So it's a two-fold thing in helping, you know, our multi-fold thing. Looking at helping those families, helping nurses and also, you know, as well, helping myself and then getting back to those families that are in need and maybe do need some assistance along the way.
Naseema McElroy: 25:02 I love that. So I know in September, on September 18th, you're going to have a free webinar, and we talked about it briefly earlier, but who is this webinar going to be for and what is it going to address?
Kelly West: 25:16 So it's going to be mostly, I mean for cancer moms, but it's really open to any, I would say mom, dads really struggling with that letting go of any kind of stress, worry, anxiety in their life, particularly if they have a child with a chronic illness and wanting to really learn how to create more resiliency, more happy, healthy, you know, resilient families. Because when they raise the resiliency and they're able to have greater emotional awareness and be able to heal themselves, they're going to be a better parent to their children. They're going to be a better spouse to their husband, wife and whatever. And so it's called Raise Your Resiliency. And I just am excited about offering this free training for anybody that feels like it could benefit them, because I think we need stronger, healthier families in this world. And that's what I hope to bring.
Naseema McElroy: 26:09 I think that's amazing. So you guys, there'll be a link in the show notes to go sign up for these webinars. So if you are a caregiver or a parent or anybody who feels like you can benefit from building up some emotional resiliency, this is a webinar that you should definitely attend. So Kelly, I think that's all the questions that I have for you today. I just want to commend you on stepping out and starting your own business and using that as a tool to unlock a level of freedom financially. But I think that it don't unlock a whole bunch of, not only financial freedom in your life, but it's also anyway, I was saying you're providing a service that is desperately needed and I thank you for doing that. I thank you for spending time with us and letting us know the great work that you're doing out there, and letting other nurses know what's possible for them. So Kelly, if people want to get in contact with you outside of attending the webinar, what's the best way that they can get in contact with you?
Kelly West: 27:21 Yeah, so I'm on social media pretty much everywhere as Kelly West Online. So kellywestonline.com. I'm on Facebook as Kelly West Online and Instagram as well. And Yeah, anyone can find me there. Connect with me, shoot me a DM. I'd love to connect.
Naseema McElroy: 27:37 Alright, so there it is. Connect with Kelly West Online. Again, thank you so much, Kelly for being a part of the Nurses On Fire Podcast. I look forward to connecting with you later on and seeing how your course is going and how your business is growing and I'm sure you're going to positively affect so many people's lives and the lives of their families. So I appreciate everything that you're doing.
Hey there I’m Naseema
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