Vol. 13 - Navigating Difficult Times to Find Your Potential
In this episode, we are addressing how to effectively manage emotions during challenging times and how this can lead you to being able to explore life-enhancing possibilities. We cover:
The stages of grief
Using fear, anger and sadness for self-mastery
Overprotecting vs. Overreacting
Progressing in life completing the cycle of healing
Podcast Episode: Turning Crisis into Potentiality from Mindful Millionaire with Leisa Peterson
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TRANSCRIPT:
Naseema McElroy (00:01): All right Nurses on FIRE. We are back with Leisa Peterson and this week I wanted to talk about a podcast episode that Leisa recently put out on her podcast, Mindful Millionaire Podcast titled: Turning Crisis Into Potentiality. What I wanted to talk about is that in relationship to nurses and what we're going through, because it highlights the stages of grief and also gives super effective ways of dealing with each stage and knowing that it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be hurt, it's okay to feel the things that we are feeling right now, but how are we going to use this to learn and grow and I just think that the topic is super relevant and it gives us actionable things that we can focus on because a lot of us are focusing on fear and even say like fear is okay. It's okay to be scared, but let's talk about the stages of grief and how it's related to what we're experiencing right now specifically to nurses.
Leisa Peterson (01:12): That's beautiful. Yeah, I think that it is a relevant topic. I know that nurses are probably feeling, you know, depending on how close they are to treating Covid patients. I think that also plays into it. And we also talk about not just death but also you know, death of a business or death of, you know, our finances or whatever it is because my clients are just nurses right there. Lots of different occupations, professions. But people are feeling a lot of grief right now. And what I have found just in my own experience like you mentioned, is that if we can be in the experience of grief and not push it away, not resist it, that we're more likely to get through it more quickly and easily cause resistance causes it to prolong and be a lot more painful. And then not only can we move through it more easily at the end I added an extra stage, which is about, you know, imagination and creativity and tapping into our own potential as creative beings, which we don't typically think about when it comes to grief. But from my own experience of dealing with a lot of death and a lot of hardships in the past, I've learned that every single time I go through something like what we're facing, I come out it as a stronger, more resilient, happier person because I've learned a lot about myself. So that's also what I think the episode is trying to do is encourage people to use fear and sadness and, and anger. Even to go deeper into self-mastery.
Naseema McElroy (03:05): You highlighted some really good things, but the most important thing that stood out to me was that we'll be okay. Like at the end of the day we're going to be okay. And I think people need to remember that I have a coworker that is like riddled with fear that she is going to get this disease and it affects everything. It affects the way she's showing up in her patient care. It affects just how she's being like physically. What advice do you have for people who are just totally in their feelings to the point that it's debilitating?
Leisa Peterson (03:47): Mm, yeah, that's a great question. You know, just because I think it's helpful to mention, and I'm just going to feel into where she's at because you know, the first stage is denial and like it's not happening. I'm not going to pay attention to it, I'm going to avoid it. And then we get into anger and I'd say bargaining. And my sense is is she's probably in those two areas, maybe flipping back and forth where she's upset in that causes her to feel afraid. And then she wants to bargain, which is like, Oh, you know, maybe there's a way out of it. What about this? What about that? It's a lot of what ifs and those what ifs are what take you totally out of your body. They take you out of your job, they take you out of your relationships at home and they just consume you.
Leisa Peterson (04:34): And so what I've found when fear takes over like that is we're actually resisting the next stage, which is sadness and depression. So we're like thinking what if, what if, what if, what if, but if we allowed ourselves to be sad and to just go through the, this really, really sucks. Like I want to just be sad with this and allows that feeling. We continue to move through the stages where we're not stuck in one, but my guess is as bargaining is very sexy because we think, well, if I had just done that or if I don't do this or and it just consumes us and we can spend years, we probably all know people who literally, that's all they do in their life because they're so afraid of feeling sad and maybe having a long hard cry, which is a great way to express sadness.
Leisa Peterson (05:27): You know? Sometimes it's all that tension building up and we're just holding onto it and we can't move through it. I love crying because there's a release that happens as a result that allows us to see something different. See that, like you said, we're going to be okay. This too shall pass. You know, the other piece that I know some people are furloughed or somebody or some people are seeing lower numbers of hours because there there's work isn't maybe essential or considered way or there hasn't been as much need because everything's done shut down. But what I have have seen is that, you know, allowing yourself to just be like, this is where I'm at, this is the problem that I'm facing. Like sometimes we won't even do that. We won't acknowledge where the pain is coming from. And that keeps us from going into the sadness.
Naseema McElroy (06:25): Yes. Yes. And I think that ties into the next point that I thought was like super brilliant that you made where you were saying to take care of yourself and it's okay to overprotect yourself but don't overreact. And I see a lot of overreacting out there and I don't think it's beneficial to anyone, but I think we do need to take steps to make sure that we are protecting ourselves emotionally, physically, everything.
Leisa Peterson (06:58): Yep. Yeah. I think that when I was writing the outline for what we were covering, I was like, yeah, that's exactly what I wanted to say. And so it's interesting that it resonated with you because I was like this is what's going on right now. You know, and we don't have to shame ourselves for overprotection. And even something like when I'm telling my clients right now is number one, I think this is going to be a three year cycle. Like we are going to literally not have a comfortable environment most likely for the next few years. And I hate to be a pessimistic but if that's what it seems to you, but I've been around long enough and I'm looking at the data and I'm paying attention to the science and economically speaking, it typically takes awhile to recover. So it's like how can you financially take care of yourself and get really, really clear and confident in that department, which we'll call overprotecting. Like it will feel like that when you're doing it, there will be nothing like that head hitting the pillow at night knowing you've got it covered or you have a plan. And then you can focus on the other parts of life that are way more important than money, for example.
Naseema McElroy (08:13): Yes, yes. I like having that and that's kind of the route that like I've been going, especially in my business and just in what I share with people is that if you can eliminate that money concern like that plagues so many people, that is the cause of divorce, that is usually a cause of a lot of trauma in people's lives. If you can eliminate that piece, which actually is really small, once you start working on it, you can focus on being who you are fully. You can focus on being a nurse that's totally there to serve. It's not about how much you make, it's not about you know anything else, but you being of service and will being the nurse that you can't be. And so I love that. I think that we have to be able to control at least that one area of our lives so that we can focus on growing the other areas. So just awesome. So outside of people just diving into this episode, which you go really deeply into the stages of grief and how that is manifested, um, what other things do you think that nurses especially should be doing right now in this crisis to make sure that they're coming out? Okay.
Leisa Peterson (09:33): I think, you know, I might even kind of what comes up when you think about potentiality for a nurse, like what would that stand for for you?
Naseema McElroy (09:45): You know what? I've always seen that like nursing to me is a land of career of opportunity. It just means there's like endless things that you can do once you have that degree. There's no limit to anything. I think like you said earlier in your podcast that this is a time that we should really be reflecting and seeing what's important to us. I think when you have pauses like this, like you said, it's a time to reflect, to learn about yourself and maybe it might mean that you make a pivot or not or stay where you are, but know that it's an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and to grow.
Leisa Peterson (10:32): Yeah. Cause expansion can happen. Even if you are in let's say the same job, but you decide that you're going to spend some time researching something, a problem that you've seen in the past that you've never really had all the answers for like you get to make the call. But when you're on the other side of grief, what I have noticed is it creates a spaciousness in our understanding of what it means to be alive and in that spaciousness we become like human sponges where we might want to look for a different, you know, change in our career. We might want to ask for a raise, we might want to go do something slightly different or we may find a hidden passion that's completely unrelated to our career. We may take up painting. When my mom died, I went through these stages and that's why I feel like my dad died and I went through these stages in one way and then several years later my mom passed away. When I was coming out of it, I started painting and I made these huge canvases, a couple of them around here. Actually, this whole house is filled with paintings that I started doing all because of that spaciousness that came out of me as I was coming out of grief. It helped me continue the process of healing.
Naseema McElroy (11:45): Yes, yes, yes, yes. I just, you know, when people to just take a moment to pause wherever they are right now and pause and just things are going to look different for a very long time, like you said. But that doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. This is an opportunity for growth and a lot of awesomeness can come out of this time. So I think if we shift our focus onto that, I think it'll be beneficial just in the long run. Yeah. All right, so Leisa, I will link up to that episode in the show notes. Anything else you want to add? Well, this has been a great conversation. I'm glad that we got the chance to dive into it. That that show that we're talking about is definitely from the depths of my heart and wanting to help people who said yes and I, and if you listen, you'll hear it. Like, I totally heard that. And so thank you for that. And, um, I hope that you guys can get something out of that and get something out of this and just know that at the end of the day, you will be okay.
Hey there I’m Naseema
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